By Joshua Scott Albert

Do you know who Tariq El-Shabazz is? Currently, he’s Seth Williams’s right hand man in the Phialdelphia DA’s office. Seth Williams recently had to suspend his law license and is facing jail time for an unsurprising corruption scandal.

Vice recently wrote an article calling Philadelphia one of the most corrupt cities in the nation.

Shabazz tossed his name in the running to be a candidate in the race for District Attorney of Philadelphia, and, in a shocking local political twist, it’s very possible that he is both into pedophilia (AKA kiddie fiddling), and beastiality (receiving sexual gratification from animals, primarily horses and dogs), according to expert analysis I spoke with.

According to one expert I spoke with, “if you carefully analyze his choice of suits, they show very clear signs that this individual may in fact like to touch kids inappropriately. If had to guess, he’s probably prone to molest young boys between the ages of seven and nine. He’d probably be partial to Asian and white boys.”

This was the suit we showed the expert.

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Another expert we spoke with, a researcher with years of experience in the filed of beastiality, told me, “I would be willing to bet my life’s savings that this guy has a unique sexual fetish for German Shepherds and Greyhounds. However, I can’t say for certain that he has sexual intercourse with animals, but based off of my years of experience, he’s probably more of an oral guy.”

We asked the specialist to elaborate, “well, if you look at his actions in the DA’s office, and his actions on the campaign trail, he probably likes to put dog penis in his mouth.”

I asked the expert if it’s at all possible that Shabazz could ever put his penis in a dog’s butt, he told me “anything is possible when people have this type of psychological disorder. If this individual was to have sexual intercourse with an animal, judging from his aggressive and manipulative quest for power, he’d probably chose a dog like a Yorkshire Terrier or a even, perhaps a Pug. Those breeds are small and wouldn’t be strong enough to resist his advances.”

Woah!

This is really a shocking revelation, but considering Philly’s history of political corruption, specifically within the DA’s office, maybe it’s not too out of character given our local political landscape and, the chaos within the DA’s office under the leadership of Shabazz.